Laura Allen Sandage: YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER’S RANT IS REALLY A FRESH TAKE ON THE LORD’S PRAYER

IMG_2065Mom.
Mom.
Mom. Mom. Mom. MO-OMMM! [Our Father]
I know you’re upstairs in your room pretending not to hear me. [Who art in heaven]
 
HEL-LO!!! MOM! [Hallowed be thy name]
 
Okay. Okay, I’ll do it.
I said I’ll do it! I’ll clean my room! Even under the bed and inside the closet!
[Thy kingdom come; thy will be done]
 
It’ll be perfectly, sickeningly neat, just like your room. Are you happy now?
[On earth as it is in heaven.]
 
Mom. When’s dinner?
Mom, I’m getting hungry. Could we have spaghetti?
Please, Mom? And garlic bread?  [Give us this day our daily bread]
 
UGH! Mom?!!!
You know you can’t ground me just for sticking gum in Madison’s hair. She didn’t even care. Plus, we cut it out and it’s fine. [And forgive us our trespasses]
 
Mom? Are you listening? Remember how I didn’t kill her when she ruined my lipstick on her Bratz doll? It’s live and let live, Mom. Live and Let Live! [As we forgive those who trespass against us.]
 
Also you can’t EVEN ground me or I’ll freaking miss the first dance of the year and I’ll be like a pariah. You have no idea. Don’t make me sneak out, Mom. [Lead us not into temptation]
 
And you need to sign my drop/add form. Mom? I can not have pervy Mr. Dawes for Geometry. No way in Hell. [but deliver us from evil]
 
I said no way in Hell, Mom! You don’t even care if I’m swearing down here?
It’s supposed to be “Your house, your rules.” [for thine is the kingdom and the power]
 
You’re really a great mom, you know? Tons cooler than Emma’s mom, or even Samantha’s. I mean it. You make the best spaghetti. It’s totally sick. [and the glory forever]
 
I said you make the best spaghetti!
When’s dinner?
What. Ever. [Amen]
choiracmeW-1024x614
Laura Allen Sandage is a singer/songwriter, choir director, artistic mystic, and writer whose work has appeared in Hip Mama, Hysteria, and Mothers’ Underground Magazine. Her daughters are now 20 and 25— no more teenagers!

One Comment

on “Laura Allen Sandage: YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER’S RANT IS REALLY A FRESH TAKE ON THE LORD’S PRAYER
One Comment on “Laura Allen Sandage: YOUR TEENAGED DAUGHTER’S RANT IS REALLY A FRESH TAKE ON THE LORD’S PRAYER

Leave a Reply to Mimi Kusch Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>